I've decided to trial a new blogging system, with regular postings on themed days. Tuesday will be the day for writing tips, and these may well include links to off-site articles. Today my tip is about dialogue, seeing as I have just posted a new article on
dialogue basics. The article was inspired by the number of contest entries I have judged this year where the dialogue flow suffered due to overuse of attribution tags.
My tip: attributing dialogue with tags such as
he said, she replied, he responded, she asked is only necessary for clarity -- so the reader knows who is doing the saying, the asking, the responding, the replying. If this is obvious due to the character's voice or the use of an action tag, then skip the dialogue tag.
Example
(from Back In Fortune's Bed, Silhouette Desire, Feb. 2007): "Is this snowing?" Max asked.
"Almost."
He heard the smile in Diana's voice and felt the brush of body contact as she craned her neck to look past him. He also felt her deep-seated shiver as the wall of cold hit.
"Isn't it pretty?" Her voice held an abstracted note of wonder. "I wish I had my camera!"
"You're shivering too hard to hold it steady."
"No. I'm not."
Amused by her indignation, Max shook his head. "Come on. Let's get you to your car or Alberto will have my hide for not keeping you warm."
"I'm parked a couple of blocks--" she pointed off to their right "--down there."
"A couple of blocks?"
"It's not far."
"Speak for yourself, snow-babe." He hunched deeper into his jacket. "I'd have to walk it two ways."
10 lines of dialogue; only one
he asked attribution, yet it is clear who is speaking. Same piece of dialogue, with every line attributed:
"Is this snowing?" he asked.
"Almost," Diana replied.
He heard the smile in her voice and felt the brush of body contact as she craned her neck to look past him. He also felt her deep-seated shiver as the wall of cold hit.
"Isn't it pretty," she said, her voice abstracted with wonder. "I wish I had my camera!"
"You're shivering too hard to hold it steady," Max said.
"No," she responded. "I'm not."
Amused by her indignation, Max shook his head. "Come on," he said. "Let's get you to your car or Alberto will have my hide for not keeping you warm."
"I'm parked a couple of blocks down there," she said, pointing off to their right.
"A couple of blocks?" Max asked.
"It's not far," she fired back.
"Speak for yourself, snow-babe," Max retorted. He hunched deeper into his jacket. "I'd have to walk it two ways."
Can you see how the flow is smoother and pacier in the first example? Without any loss of clarity?
Labels: Back In Fortune's Bed, writing tips
posted by Bronwyn Jameson @ 4:31 PM
